Texts from this Year Part 2: Anya Redecorates

By this time you should have a pretty good idea of what to expect from our one-sided textual recap (golden moments of reality tv, the low bar set by our co-workers, and the ongoing power struggle between Anya and her mother). What’s noteworthy here is that this series of texts takes place during the month where Anya got her shit together (at least in one significant area of her life). Keep your eyes peeled for a tonal shift as we move forward, but don’t hold your breath for a pile of positivity (it still only comes in pops).

Tuesday, February 26  8:08pm
“it will be hot for him under the sun, yet he can’t go naked because of his alopecia” Lisa on giggy. And this is why I love her
Her fucking pomeranian has selective alopecia

Tuesday, February 26   8:11pm
They’re going to visit her stepson, who is now married to her friend, in San tropez. Context only improves it lol

Wednesday, February 27  6:01pm
You should ask him how getting his books published is going. “Couldn’t you at least get an ebook deal? No? Oof...”

Saturday, March 2  11:27am
My mother has lost what remained of her mind.

“No wire hangers, ever!”

Monday, March 4  6:36pm
Just saw a bumper sticker that says stop abortion now with the stop in a circle with a line through it. I can’t decide if I want to key it or not. You win this round, person with strong, but indeterminate abortion feelings!

Monday, March 4  6:37pm
On second thought, only the anti choicers would have such a stupid fucking bumper sticker.

Thursday, March 7  8:38pm
Also, is it ok that I’m plotting a bedroom with a fuckload of bookshelves but none directly over my head because I’m certain that my vigorous future love life will inevitably tumble them onto my head and I don’t want to be concussed by Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?

Saturday, March 9  10:31am
“expectations are premeditated disappointments” maybe that should have been our tag line

Saturday, March 9  11:09am
I mean this is supposed to be our for real last house so I can do whatever I want. Maybe staple Ivy to the walls and call it Secret Garden

Maybe skipping the rope swing of death. And the ghosts. And the cholera.

Sunday, March 10  2:39pm
Ahaha my mother HATES my room idea. That’s how I know it’s great

Sunday, March 10  6:21pm
Yup haha. Girlfriend, go visit the gym you fucking “own”!

Monday, March 11  6:31pm
Yeah I feel you. I’m resisting the seductive powers of crazy bread, it’s a challenge

Tuesday, March 12  9:06pm
Paul. Paul. Watching the dance moms explain don’t ask don’t tell, glorious

Bring ‘em back down to earth, Holly.

Wednesday, March 13  8:31pm
I need a catchy phrase for when reality television stars give a medical lecture as if they’re qualified to explain it

Wednesday, March 13  9:28pm
Now Kimmy is pretending to be an expert on private investigating. Realllly need a snappy phrase for this. celecturing? Celebrity lecturing? Ughh I need seamless blending. Like celebutante.

Thursday, March 14  10:15am
Also, Frazzled Feminist today: “sometimes I really loathe my job”

Thursday, March 14  12:04pm
Here’s to hoping I never reach a weight where people getting between me and my lunch hour is a joke rather than a reflection on their lack of consideration

Thursday, March 14  1:11pm
The number of times I have used my sneezes as a form of vengeful chemical warfare is frankly kind of disturbing

Also: saliva and pink eye discharge.

Thursday, March 14  1:26pm
Yes. I picture some evil person in another department tracking our internet movements and just blocking things as we go to them. Or Grouchy Co-worker specifically requested it.

Thursday, March 14  8:37pm
Icy hot packaging says I can wear one for up to 8 hours and no more than 3 times a day. I could be wearing it every waking hour and then some! Can I do my whole back like a mummy?

Thursday, March 14  8:54pm
But it ALL HURTS. What if I ask That Guy to apply them?

Thursday, March 14  8:56pm
Haha then the mummy back is ok?

Thursday, March 14  8:57pm
Or I could ask him to remove the one I just can’t quite reach...

KEEP IT.