Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Overheard in the Office VI

It is time to once again visit the sticky wicket that is our workplace. We are counting down the days, fielding the rude and bizarre questions, and grimacing through the heaps of unwelcome “advice.” We’re pretty sure that we can make to our last day without completely losing our shit on an unsuspecting co-worker, but our pool of patience is rapidly draining. Luckily for you, our pool of office oddities knows no bounds.

Luckily for us, nobody at the office has ever been able to see through our fake smiles.

“They actually do make over-the-counter vertigo medicine. Would you like me to go grab mine?”
    -Frazzled Feminist

“My sister and I went hooking last weekend, we’re first time hookers!”
    -No Boundaries

If you only knew how many times we’ve heard some version of this REALLY FUNNY joke.

“You know, my husband used to live in New City when he was in the army and (whispered) he was the only white person on the street, but they were all nice to him, it was fine! They all like him.”
    -Spacey Secretary

“I have a funny girls story, want to hear it?”
    -That Guy

“And that was the first time I showed him my christmas tree.”
    -Edge of Retirement

“It looks a lot worse than it actually is, I just only keep giant bandages at home because that’s what I usually need.”
    -Overzealous Hire

“Oh wow, that haircut looks really good on you! It kind of reminds me of my brother’s from the ‘70s and he used to be quite the looker!”
    -Faded Hippie

“You’re not going to hire that girl who brought her mom along for her interview, are you?”
“Well, we’ll see if anybody else passes their drug tests.”
    -Spent Supervisor

At least we’ll be gone before the inevitable psychological breakdown.

“I’m just gonna check out some of the kids out here if that’s ok.”
    -Random Creeper
“Oh, sorry, my daughter’s here?”
    -Random Creeper

“And then the they sent me the Mormon bible, with gold leaf pages and my name embossed on the cover, and you know, I felt spiritually raped!”
    -No Boundaries

They can’t all come in the form of Emma Thompson.


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