Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Things We Googled At Work and Immediately Regretted

More than once, we have had the feeling that there is some tech person, locked into a dark cave somewhere, monitoring our internet activity while we’re at work. This conviction has only been strengthened by the fact that we have recently seen a sharp increase in the number of blockpages on sites that we regularly visit (with most of them being categorized as “Tasteless.”  RUDE). You can imagine how this affects our productivity as we frantically try to work our way around the fact that Game of Thrones has the word “game” in it, and is therefore apparently not work appropriate. Ugh.

Then again, there are work Googles and things better Googled on your phone. The following is a tribute to distinctions we should have made, and the mysterious tech person who puzzles over them:
“Best way to clean DivaCup”

“Robert Baratheon’s will”

“Sheep farms that don’t eat the lambs”

“Zodiac killer picnic”

“Copper IUD”

“Raccoon photobomb”

“Women Don Draper has slept with”

“Jewish women Don Draper has slept with”

“What caffeine does to your brain”

“Places that deliver to [place of employment]” (this one because we do NOT need to be having all of those calories delivered directly to our door).

“Jon Snow’s parentage”

“Office chair exercises” (Just. Embarrassing.)

“Jobs in Chicago/D.C./Denver/New York/San Francisco/Seattle”

“Kombucha tea” (THE FUCK?!)

“How to brew kombucha tea” (obvious follow up)

“BMI calculator”

“Body Fat Percentage calculator”

“Online calorie tracker”

“Stannis Baratheon chest” (looking for his breastplate!)

“Are five year reunions a thing?”

“Angry cats”

“Disheveled cats”

“Feral cats”

“Perineum tear”

“Tears in childbirth”

“How much do abortions cost in [state]?”

“Is heart cancer a thing?”

“Robb Stark direwolf puppies” (no way to disguise this sexy time suck as work)

“Daenerys Targaryen” image search


“Process of [any medical procedure]”

“End of honeymoon phase in marriage”

“Richard Madden’s ass”


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