Thursday, March 14, 2013

Overheard in the Office I

"I feel like it was a brag journal, and what a journal should be is a document of misery."

Unfortunately, we don’t get to work together in an isolated environment requiring minimal interactions with other people.  We’re surrounded by our Cast of Co-workers and various members of the public, who never cease to provide us with cringeworthy, rage-inducing, “What the what!?”, laugh-out-loud gems.  Welcome to Overheard in the Office, our new weekly segment to let you get to know our co-workers better and then stay abreast with the latest changes in office politics.  Many of them stand alone as a beacon of ridiculousness, but we will try to provide context when we think it would be needed or helpful.  Hopefully you find these as outrageously entertaining as we do.

“I used to keep a copy of the Bible, and the Torah and the Koran in my cubicle, but after September 11th I just knew people would suspect me so I had to take them home.”
      -No Boundaries

“Want to go to lunch?”
     -That Guy

"Gee, did I actually work this afternoon or did I just wander around all day?"
     -Faded Hippie

“You’d think that I would have learned my online dating lesson after the midget whose profile claimed he was 6’1”!”
     -Overzealous Hire

Really girl? You were shocked?

“Since we have started dating he has become a lot more conservative and he is running a lot less" 
     -Random Customer

“I know that for someone else you found *product*. And for someone else you also found *another product*”
“Well, we don’t have *products* here, maybe we helped someone find them online?”
“No, I know you have them here, I swear on a sack of dirty underwear!”
*awkward surprised grimace/laugh*

It was not this actual old man, but he was equally pleased with himself.

“Hey Spent Supervisor, are you free to schedule this meeting/help me with this software/discuss this issue with co-worker that sucks...” 
“I’m just really swamped today.”...continues reading at Target

     -Spent Supervisor, every day ever

“Did I ever tell you about my girlfriend that did porn? We call her pornstar Amy, she was actually a teacher. There’s a shot of her brushing her teeth shirtless, I don’t think she knew she was being filmed for that part.”

     -Now Ex-Employee, countless times

We guess some people are into it?

“That’s my fighting cock, I’m gonna need it today!”
     -Does it really matter who said this one?

*heavy sigh*
     -Faded Hippie
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s just that I had no idea when I started that I was going to have to try and impress these people! It’s a lot of work.”
     -Faded Hippie

“I talked to Big Boss and he wants you to go through all of the supply closets and just make sure all the boxes are level with the edges of the shelves.”
“Are you sure?”

“I’ve been trying to be good lately, my Frito consumption has been dramatically reduced!”
     -That Guy

[old man photo credit Greg Dohler/The Star]


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