Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Don't Fuck With the Gatekeeper

It is an unfortunate truth that we all go through life wanting and needing things from other people. Beginning with our parents and ending with the nurses that are supposed to be administering to our various needs via tube, we’re not as self reliant as we might wish, even in between these two extremes of dependency. Apparently babies get a free pass, but we all know that being an asshole to the person that is single handedly keeping you alive is probably not your best bet if you want to make sure you’re being wheeled out at the right time to play pinochle with that sexy new widower whose ungrateful kids just dropped him off, let alone getting your favorite flavor of Jell-o with supper.

Ah, old people.

What this boils down to is a very simple message that has been said before: don’t be an asshole. Words to live by. But for some people, this is just too much to manage. They can’t possibly go through life treating every other person with respect and dignity. It’s far too much to ask that they rein in their natural tendencies in every single encounter. For them, we have an even simpler message: don’t fuck with the gatekeeper. Don’t be an absolute douche bag to someone who has power over something you want. Unfortunately for the natural, incorrigible assholes out there, often these people are a remarkably easy outlet for their dick behavior.

Have a bad day at work? Yell at your waitress because you wanted no olives. Doesn’t matter that you didn’t order it that way, she should be able to READ YOUR MIND. What a dumb bitch. Your new meal is definitely going to come out much faster, with not a hint of bodily fluid on it. Get a parking ticket this morning? Go ahead and take that out on the kid filling in at the reception desk, it’s totally his fault. And we’re sure he’ll make sure to be on top of all those important phone calls you’re expecting today, no way would he let a transfer fall through the cracks. Be really sarcastic and bitch about the price when you go to a movie theater, I’m sure they won’t need to make sure you have a current student ID with you for the first time EVER. See what we’re saying?

There’s a reason people say this movie really captures restaurant employment.

Stop treating people like shit, especially when they have the power to make your life harder. Because they fucking will. And you will totally deserve it. If you’re having one of those days where it seems like nothing is going your way, stop and think about the fact that maybe you’re making that happen with your bad vibes. If it seems like we’re being especially venomous about this, it’s because we are.

As two people who go through life having a faith in humanity that’s approximately at the level of those freakish crevices they keep finding in the ocean that may “end” in some sort of black hole vortex if we could ever even find the bottom, we’re basically of the mind that if we can get our shit together and give people a shot to do their jobs correctly, so can you. Our feelings about people reside with the likes of the vampire squid, everyone who claims to be a functioning human (which you do claim when you go out in civilization and interact with others) should be able to recognize that they’re not going to get anywhere being rude to a person who has the power to make their day better or worse. Even from a self preservation standpoint, that’s Humankind 101!

Basic. Manners.

All of that being said, we are one hundred percent behind taking your bad day out on other people when they are exhibiting this kind of behavior. Having both worked in customer service for a combined number of years that is more than a decade (ugh), we both have a pretty routine face/voice/smile combo that works wonders with the public. No matter what is going on in our lives, we put on a happy face for the 45 second increments it takes to get through an interaction with someone, and we expect them to do the same. When they don’t, all bets are off. Bitches have violated our social contract.

John Locke disapproves, just look at his perma-sneer.

In the interest of making the world a better place (because that’s really why we started this blog...totally), we want to start a movement. We could call it “An Eye for an Eye” but that’s too biblical AND it sounds like we want to make the whole world blind. Other options include: Treat Others The Way They Treat You, or Stop Rewarding People Who Suck with Free Shit, Every Manager Ever, or Train Humanity the Way You Train Your Dog (No Discounts for Dicks? No Amnesty for Antagonists?), but apparently we’re terrible at catchy titles so...feel free to chime in in the comments section. Basically, we are hereby encouraging all of you people who deal with people (so, everyone) to reward those who return your positivity, and stop giving in to the assholes described above.

When you’re at work, trapped behind a desk/drive-thru window/counter with no escape from the humanity coming at you, and you can put a pleasant face on for all of them, they should be able to do the same thing for you. If you greet them appropriately and they are immediately snappy, rude, confrontational, etc. and you don’t have to keep being nice to them! We will both gladly be flexible and helpful and cheerful to people who approach us in kind and reasonable way. We actually (surprisingly) often go above and beyond our job descriptions to help people, even when they’re not approaching us in the way that we might if we found ourselves in a similar situation. There is no trick or password for getting us to help you, it’s literally just civility.

Missions to civilize often carry a heavy price.
However. We are crusading against the whole “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” mentality, and going on strike when it comes to helping rude people. We only have a public phone for nice people. We only use Google for polite customers. We can’t give out that people like you who are clearly incapable of being civil. No, there isn’t a discount for that, when you talk to me that way. Too many people think that if they just complain enough, they can get their meal/admission/service for free. Because it keeps happening! They get rewarded for being mean or unreasonable or entitled. Can we train people to start being decent again?

1 comment:

  1. Your uncivilized, childish, narcissistic attitude towards others is exactly why "gatekeepers" are despised the world over. One of these days when you've damaged your business because you've denied key communication towards an executive, and then promptly get fired or cause your business to have a bad reputation because "BIG BADASS DONT FUCK WITH MEEEEEE $12 RECEPTIONIST!!!!1!" is a rude cunt...well, when you are working at Walmart with your non-existent skillset, you'll have to deal with the fact that you are a LOSER.