Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Texts from Last Year Pt. 3 (In Which Anya Reveals Our Healthy Diets)

We now present you with the third collection of noteworthy texts from Anya in 2012.  If you are just joining us for the written evidence of our eternal downward spiral, you can work your way back starting here.  By now you have probably figured out that it doesn’t get better, but it does get funnier.  Enjoy.

Thursday, September 27 8:58am
Haha Faded Hippie is so helpful today. She’s held the door for me twice out of 6 trips to shelve for [other co-worker] and she asked “are you to the 400s yet?!” ...thanks

Saturday, October 6 8:32am
Nothing quite like waking up to the sound of my mom talking shit about my job situation on the phone

Saturday, October 6 12:34pm
You’re missing Frazzled Feminist’s bedazzled jeans, just so you know

Forefront of fashion.
Saturday, October 6 9:05pm
Halloween: I am maine style yellow jacket clad fisherwoman and my dog is a lobster

We feel like we haven’t been delivering enough corgis.

Sunday, October 7 7:18pm
The Libertarian’s mom just offered me a
white denim cropped jacket for like five minutes straight, and then some weird sheer silk thing she thought was reallly nice. she started suggesting outfits for the jacket, the Libertarian laughed at me

Thursday, October 11 8:40am
Frazzled Feminist had a shrieking anger meltdown about her kitchen contractors though, so maybe she needs to take the bipolar one

Thursday, October 11 4:08pm
Sometimes I think I can’t be alone because I need someone on call in case I want to hit up the garage too badly

Friday, October 12 11:09am
Ugh guess I’m doing that thing again where I hate eating. Too bad it’s not at a time where I actually need to lose weight.

Friday, October 12 12:43pm
Things I feel guilty about: spending most of the weekend away when we have like three family birthdays to celebrate, even though my mother is being terrible. Things I don’t feel guilty about: hiding an index card from a group of horrible women who impugned my ability to alphabetize

Saturday, October 13 8:48pm
Best quote ever “bitch that was my pussy you was kissing this morning, that was my pussy in his mouth you was kissing” classic.

Sunday, October 14 4:51pm
Ugh My cousin just sneezed onto my ferret’s face twice. Like directly.

So many flavors of disgusting.

Monday, October 15 12:08pm
I’m not very good at this whole don’t talk to people until they talk to me thing. Plus Facebook just keeps amassing evidence of picnics with other girls and all kinds of shit that makes me 100% glad I didn’t eat that bagel or I would have thrown it up

Tuesday, October 16 9:36am
Hahaha every work excuse in the book. I want them to admire my originality, I’ll probably blame my female parts or something since I’m sure Big Boss votes republican and obviously it is a mystery to them. If I don’t show up for lunch, I’m probably passed out on the third floor and no one came looking for me.

Wednesday, October 17 5:49pm
Really hope this whole “not respond for weeks and then tell me they chose someone else” job thing is not a foreshadowing of my conversation with my ex

Thursday, October 18 9:43am
Frazzled Feminist established her (fictional?) presence here today with a giant Starbucks cup. Progress?
It’s more believable at least lol

Friday, October 19 1:32pm
Maybe Starbuck [Paul’s friend, not the coffee chain] and I will have spilling beer on the table and tortilla chips sleepover. So there!

Friday, October 19 2:51pm
Probably just going to watch Matthew and Mary’s engagement scene over and over until I stop crying about it.

Still haven’t watched the last two minutes of Season 3, probably going to spend the rest of the show pretending Matthew is on business in America.
Who am I kidding? I’ll never stop crying about this.

Thursday, October 25 9:42am
I’m about to sneak off and eat a cookie in the bathroom, pretty low.

Thursday, October 25 10:58am
Oh god No Boundaries is hitting on private school kids. Probably like 14

Thursday, October 25 4:41pm
Aw shit just watched a vet team member literally tranquilize a monkey with a blow dart. I want that job

Don’t worry, Anya will have better hats.


Post a Comment