Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Pinspirations (Pinspired? No Matter What, It Sounds Like Sweating)

Having recently fallen prey to the amazing time suck that is Pinterest, Anya has been spending quite a bit of time looking at pictures of hairstyles she will never be able to recreate, DIY projects she’ll never get around to, and interior decorating schemes that are SO TOTALLY DOABLE if you have a million hours to devote to it, a good eye and, you know, a real job to fund all of it. Worst of all, the inevitable “Wedding Plans” board has been taking shape in her head, and during a particularly stressful Brideday Friday on TLC, took shape on the internet. Shame. On. Her.

One day there will be a diagnosis for the nervous disorder associated with watching everyone in the whole world plan their weddings before they even have a life companion that’s not a cat. HOW CAN I NOT FEEL BEHIND WHEN CAT PEOPLE ARE PLANNING THEIR WEDDINGS?!

One thing that always helps pull her back from the brink of insanity (at least temporarily) is a page of pins full of those stupid, insipid inspirational quotes that are supposed to be encouraging for some reason? Whether you’re painting them onto your walls, stenciling them into your garden’s walkway, or embossing them on every glass surface you can find since you totally learned to do it and it’s actually super easy all you need is Modge Podge, this shit is everywhere.

True to form, we had to snark all over it.

One man’s inspiration sets off another man’s bullshit alarm? Sorry not sorry if any of these actually make you feel better. Unless you’re in high school and it just really speaks to you. High schoolers get a free pass on their inner feelings, you’re welcome!

Unless it’s because they murdered your family. Or dog. Or they’re a total fuck. And really, if you just TRY to stop thinking about them for a month or two, you will.
What is this fucking color scheme? Nude and dusty navy? Sexxxxxi. Also, a fact that needs more promotion: nothing is less sexy than someone who wants you WAY MORE than you want them, it’s a fine, fine line.

Everything happens for a reason is the shittiest thing to ever say to someone who is having a hard time. Or to say to anyone, ever. THAT IS JUST NOT TRUE.

Because it worked out so great for Sid and Nancy.

Unless he has satellite images of Earth from space...and we do!

This poor fucking polar bear is still going to die thanks to climate change whether she makes the best of it or not, JOHN.

Do not like this mixed metaphor of standing bravely through a storm and also sailing like an Independent Woman. We all know sailing in storm looks more like this (minus the savior mermaid):

And also the phrase “any port in a storm” rings a lot more true. We should make an inspirational picture of that.

Insensitive at best.

Grown older? Fine. Grown up? Clearly not.

Pretty fucking sure he is not the originator of quote. Poor Winston.

Not sure what exactly this is going for, but the image directly under it in our Google search disagrees:

Which poorly edited image is correct?? What should we be aiming for in life??


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