Monday, July 1, 2013

Anya Extends An Offer She May Bitterly Regret

It all started at an H&M, as these things are wont to do. Paul is shopping with Swiss Miss. Anya is at home mulling over which gold spray paint to use on her antique chandelier. Things are strange. Suddenly, the phone vibrates! A message from Paul.

“A customah!”

PAUL: There was this cat shirt I almost bought you, but then I remembered that you don’t like cats or H&M.

ANYA: Haha under the right circumstances I would accept both. Probably have to let go of that hatred since I rock their dresses so hard?

PAUL: It’s for the good of the planet!

ANYA: Basically. Also, I will regret this but I accept any and all animal clothes from now on.

PAUL: Ohohoh. (This is the first sign that he’s going to fuck with me).

ANYA: I could up the ante by committing to wearing them to work.

PAUL: Stop.

ANYA: I could send out an office email with my offer.

PAUL: Does this include mythical animals and/or fantasy hybrids?

ANYA: Absolutely.

PAUL: Creepy Lawyer will buy you a towel dress that says ‘PUSSY’ on it.

ANYA: I’ll write up a set of rules.

So here we are. Anya, a connoisseur of all things both wearable and animal themed (except actual fur OBVIOUSLY), is going to foolishly commit (what other kind of commitment is there, really?) to wearing any and all animal themed clothing and accessories that she receives. To work. The guidelines are as follows:

     - It can be any kind of animal, real or imagined, as long as its genitals aren’t featured.

    - Also, not dead.

     - It can be any kind of clothing, but she will not be wearing underwear outside her pants or other such nonsense.

     - It can be secondhand (except earrings or undergarments, she doesn’t care how well you washed it.)

     - She reserves the right to tailor these items, but will wear them visibly (not wearing pajama pants to work as actual pants, because she does need to stay employed, but will make them into a shirt/skirt/headband).


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